Repeating Patterns.

Today was one of those days. Today was one of those where I needed a really tight hug and a listening ear. Where I needed someone who I could share vulnerably with and to and who would "get me" and who I could sit in silence with and not feel the need to fill up the silence with awkward and forced conversation. I'm not sure what set off the mood and colour the day had today but I didn't actually wake up with that mood. It had changed as I was about to go on our school run- I think it started after I had drunk some green tea on an empty stomach. So whilst on the school run, I began feeling queasy, a type of queasiness that wasn't really nauseous but just really uncomfortable and almost painful in my tummy. Was rushing to drop the kids and run back home to start my work from home job. I tried to show up to work but I just really began feeling unwell- I already had a cold and wouldn't stop sneezing but it was on every call and meeting I had to be on today- I just took the day off. The day then sorta grew progressively worse. I needed to run errands but I just didn't have the energy to. The crazy bit is that this was all mental. It all just was that I wasn't in a great mood. I began praying and just muttering prayers through the day for strength. I knew the fastest way to flip the situation was to turn on some worship and praise music and begin confessing to myself but I simply just couldn't- I had a ready excuse in my head- I was trying to read and answer some self awareness study on myself I was completing. And then hubby came back, kids were back home and there was just so much distracting noise...... It was only this evening that I realised that, actually, at this time last year, on the 29th, I had had an unpleasant and crushing experience that had left me quite deflated. I realised that what I was feeling today seemed to be a foreboding feeling about what my mind was thinking would occur tomorrow- it was relieving the experience it had last year...... I've heard that these patterns and the attending feelings tend to repeat themselves- I can't remember now where I read or heard that but I'm curious, is this true? I need to research that because the feeling I had today was quite alien. But thinking about it in terms of what happened last year makes sense because I had felt really crushed on that day- a lot worse than the feeling I had today but it makes sense that my mind was almost sort of prepping me for what it thought lay ahead.... Lol. I did journal alot and pray a lot (before I was able to draw the lines of connection to what seemed to be happening) as I just wasn't sure what my body and mood were saying to me and I was just in desperate need of comfort, intimacy and assurance from God. EVER HEARD OF REPEATING YOUR PATTERNS? DO YOU RECKON EVEN OUR EMOTIONS ARE REPEATED AT THE SAME TIME OF THE YEAR? Please share your thoughts with me as I'd LOVE to read from you. Until next time Lovely, Ciao. Love Always, Judy.

Living Aligned.

Hi Lovelies,

Hope you are well in yourself. Just thought I drop by to write a bit here as I have a few bits on my mind that I'm trying to clarify. I'm beginning to think that I'll just write in order to arrange and clarify my thoughts..... which was how I really used to write. I feel like I've unconsciously begun looking at my writing in a different way, as though I needed to use it to teach, to inspire, to preach and because of that, I wouldn't feel

Bound. Now What? FIGHT!


 


So, the devil managed to sneak into your life, as he expertly does, to plant strongholds that you are now struggling with. Somehow these things have grown with you- you thought nothing of them when you were in the world and lived a life of carnality- but now, now, you've given your life to Christ and all of a sudden, what you KNOW you should stop, you suddenly find you cannot stop.

You're confused. You've just prayed and yet, you are being led by the stirrings of your loins. You go back to your cleared device history and mindlessly scroll back to the website you swore an hour ago that you wouldn't visit anymore. After your shameful escapade, you feel dirty. You hate yourself. God must hate you. You cannot pray. These demons are mocking you. You hate yourself. You are bound.