Can Strong, Opinionated Women Be Friends With Each Other?



Can strong, opinionated women be friends with each other?
I am quite opinionated, and, although I am open and flexible with my thoughts and stance and will consider my opinions quite malleable, I have found that, alot of times, it's not very easy for women with strong opinions to be friends with each other.
I have often found that it is even alot easier for a man and a woman to disagree on opinions and move on from it without the differences affecting their relationship and friendship than it is with two women.

I have found, a lot of times, that it has more to do with how this difference in opinion is presented and submitted. I believe in a good and  healthy debate. A healthy debate is one where we can proffer our different opinions respectfully without anyone feeling that their personalities are being attacked.
Once we cross the lines of respect and begin to say things like, " please miss me with that point of view / it's just something that anyone with common sense can see/ please spare me that talk/ this your comment or point of view makes no sense....." we go down a slippery slope that descends into a personal attack and we begin to fight to save our faces. 
It is absolutely okay to have differing opinions, just know how to put it is all I'm saying. Personally, because I am opinionated, I try to be respectful in my address to people. However, alot of times, when people in my inner social media circle, like my facebook made up of only people I know personally or deem to be people I like (I've got only about 500 friends from the about 4000 it used to be in the past) attack my comments or are careless in their delivery, I often wonder if it is a subliminal statement or something.
I used to have this acquaintance I met on IG, overtime, we moved to Facebook and then Whatsapp. She would often engage me in chats for 3-4 hours straight almost every night, so I felt we were friends. We talked about everything and shared everything and I was privy to info that no one else knew and that she was hoping to break to everyone when the news broke out- I was sure our friendship and connection was solid. I knew she was argumentative though and tended to want everyone to agree with her opinions and if you had a differing one, it immediately descended into "it's just common sense isn't it?" so I avoided all sorts of arguments and debates with her, but she would often fish for it. When the subtle digs would come, I'd ignore it. Or just state my point in spite of the digs and keep it moving. But generally I avoided an issue. You could post a pic or video of someone you liked and found funny and she would come with a ***"🤔🤔🤔 isn't this the person that said that all black people are mad? He later apologised when he was dragged. He said it at so and so time and it made my skin crawl and I think he is vile🙅🏽🙅🏽🙅🏽" .
Being me, I'd go, "I wonder, did he actually say that? I mean, he is black and so I am wondering why he would say that and if he was taken out of context", she'd go "well, he said it so I don't see the sense in questioning what or how he said it- you either have an issue with what he he said or you don't🙄🙄🙄
You could never truly win with her except you were willing to agree with her- and unfortunately I am too old for that crap.
I started my business and noticed a different level to these digs from her- but we were still chatting privately everyday and I did ask her if everything was good between us and she affirmed it was.
There were arguments I would NEVER have with her though, arguments on Politics and Faith- those were two arguments I forbade myself to ever have with her.
So, once, I make a comment on a public forum which I didn't even have any idea she followed (not that that mattered) on one of these topics cos a debate was on, and out of the blues, this lady, who is supposed to be my "friend" and who could have found different ways to address me- privately or publicly- attacks my comment on this forum with "how judgemental of you, lol! Bla bla bla" .
I respond with, "just saying as is". She goes on again on a long tirade and I say nothing. I was taken aback tbh as we had just been chatting privately two nights before.
At this point, I had realised that our relationship was toxic. We had stayed privately chatting with each other like good friends but she obviously hated my guts and continued to attack me publicly.
I toyed with removing her from my friend's list and when I told my hubby, he said, "That girl doesn't actually like you, you know? That's not a healthy relationship you have with her, I'd advise you not take her out to not seem petty but keep your distance going forward".  I make a post on my Facebook basically saying anyone who had issues with my opinions was free to  ✌🏽✌🏽✌🏽. 
That evening, I go on IG and she had unfollowed me. Frankly, I was relieved. For the first time since the personality clashes, I could finally breathe freely. It was refreshing.
There are so many ways to express your differing opinion to someone you are friends with that helps remove or reduce unnecessary friction. On a public forum though, you should be able to take anything anyone throws at you- after all, you decided to make it there. But there are unspoken rules when it is someone you know personally. Things like, " I respectfully disagree with you on this one sis/ Ah, I don't agree on this one o- see why/ Please let us agree to disagree...." etc help to defuse the tense situation that can arise. But I'm not sure some people realise this or maybe they just do not care.
I know a lot of strong and opinionated women on the other hand who handle differences in opinions in such admirable ways when they do arise. These women are gems and I value their opinions- contrary to mine or agreeing with mine. They will never belittle but will proffer such flawlessly sound yet contrary opinions to yours that you might eventually lean towards their analysis. We need more of these kinds of people. I appreciate that people are different and people are sometimes who they are- so, personally, I will avoid people within my circle who belittle, are cynical and use sarcasm to drive home their points in an argument. On a public forum, I'd ignore this and just make my point and keep it moving. But in my inner forum and circle, I do not have to take it. Respect is crucial.
So, yes, I think strong and opinionated women can- and should- be friends and I think this is made possible where opinions are respected and respectfully disagreed or agreed with. Humour and respect always, ALWAYS work in defusing situations- except the person you are having the debate with is angling for something else and is out to have a sparring with you.
What do you think? How do or would you handle disrespectful contrary opinions within your inner circle- women especially? If you are a woman, do you agree that it is different where the person is a man? If yes, why do you think this is?
Have a great week ahead my friends, may we win all the way this week.
Love and Light,
Judgejudyjudy.
Xxx.
*** : Only an example and not a real instance
Photo credit: Google.

6 comments

  1. I believe strong opinionated women can be friends(close friends at that) if the foundation of the friendship is built on love , respect and value. How do you speak or hear from a person of value? Also, the ability to understand that difference in opinion is not hate and to communicate that opinion respectfully is important and if I must say very crucial. I recently learnt that its perception and not intent that counts in communication. Emotional intelligence is now a critical skill in relationships not just in communicating but also in receiving feedback.

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    1. "The ability to understand that a difference in opinion is not hate...". Very well said dear. Love the bit on emotional intelligence! Reading a book on it now!

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  2. I think that strong opinionated women can be friends, they need to be respectful of each others feelings... I think if they are not respectful, they are not really a strong person. Everyone has the right to their opinion and understanding that will keep you close with a friend. xox

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  3. In my opinion, sometimes it's necessary to question a friends* stance in public especially if said friend makes a remark that is hypocritical. Or one that somehow throws shade on someone else or even you. I personally call people out when they do that on social media (in my private accounts though) :). I however, try to be respectful about it and ask straightforward questions that are aimed at shedding light on why they think their case is different from what they're condemning.

    Opinionated people overall usually don't get along regardless of sex. Maturity however, helps people to agree to disagree. I can't say I am opinionated however, I am strong willed especially with things that concern me. As in affect my life. If it's politics or other topics I usually bow out respectfully. If the person comes for me personally though? Let's say it will depend on my mood. Sometimes I actually am in the mood to get to the end of it... Lolz!

    Good topic there lady :)

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    1. I agree with some of your points. If I start a conversation on my page, I expect that my friends and followers will also have opinions. I just don't think attacking a friend's comment on a public forum is wise- except there is something else the person is harboring within them.
      I cannot tell you how many times I have come across public comments on public forums by my close friends supporting stances that I was never aware that they did, or generally just expressing opinions I never knew they had. I make. Mental note and move on from it. I don't go attacking their comments to let them know that "oh, so this is your opinion", what would I be expecting? That they apologise for their opinions?
      No way now, a person's opinion is theirs. If it comes up in our private discourse, we'll then analyse it.
      Because I knew that I had differing opinions with this person in those two areas, I respected her by not discussing it with her.
      It's the same for my parents, I don't have the same Christian doctrine with them but, as side the normal discussions we had about it in the past, I don't generally start to discuss it with them as I want no conflict.
      I've got opinions of a lot of men of God who some of my good Facebook friends truly respect. Because I respect them, I keep quiet and don't randomly bring up those topics. If I saw a debate on a public forum about these questionable men though, I'd probably leave my opinion there- if I feel like- if just keep it moving.

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