Musings, Musings, Musings......




It's at times like this I wish I were still writing anonymously. I've just got sooooooo much to say but I don't know where to start....
So I'm sat here, at 3.08am (it's 5:12 am now actually), laptop on my lap and writing with no clear direction- I just want to get my thoughts out, whatever they may be- I am hoping I will get clarity as I write....

I feel like a lot of things are suspended at the moment for me. I know that a lot of the things that I hope to fall into place should do that AFTER I have achieved a major goal I have been chasing. This major goal I have been chasing is the reason I have to step back occasionally to take a breather, study, work on my skills...., and yet, it still is so fleeting..... I come close and, it flits right away, before my very eyes, like a butterfly.....

Worse is the fact that I KNOW that I am not quite there yet, with my skills, to actually achieve this goal but, for some reason, I get mental laziness, preferring to work on skills that interest my creative side and not my technical side. Oh well. I had a disappointment day before yesterday...... again. I had come so close, but I knew I wasn't ready so I wasn't surprised when it flitted away. The opportunity truly didn't want to go away and gave me a second chance before it realised that, it was what it was: I was not ready, it was not to be. Like a burden lifted off of my shoulders, I received the news of the butterfly now gone, because, had it stayed with me, would I not disappoint the people offering it? Would they feel let down if they discovered that, indeed, it was as they had initially feared, I was unable to adequately take care of it? And yet, I was not a little deflated at the opportunity missed.

Anyway, I have decided to work on getting my skills polished and up-to-date and, whilst at all this, staying consistent. I feel like I lost hold of the plot for a second there; almost forgot what I was about, why I was here. I am here to write, to relate with my readers. I have discovered that once I have someone to talk to, to unburden myself to- apart from my SO that is- I automatically go silent on my blog, because this is where I'd normally unburden myself, in different ways. I began blogging essentially because I wanted to get the thoughts in my head and heart out- because I didn't have anyone to tell them to. So it follows that once these thoughts are being expressed one way or the other, either to a friend or acquaintance, it would then seem pointless to me to "duplicate" them here as I might have already gone through the process of analysing them and probably reaching a resolution/conclusion/etc. It will not be happening again. Not because I do not appreciate communicating with real people but because, so far, it has not been worth it one bit (to share and be so open to someone) and so I'd say I know better and would just carry on as I always have.

There have also been a lot of exciting developments in my life but I will talk you through them with time, some of them do need to be under wraps to incubate properly. It's been a lose some, gain some affair but I am grateful. I am thankful. I am hopeful. Believing that all things are working together for my good. Indeed, I am hopeful.

Have a beautiful month of July, my friends, forgive me for being late in wishing you this.

Love Always,
Judgejudyjudy,
Xxx.

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