Bummed and Gutted: More Learning Woes....

I failed my practical driving test today. Again. This would be the second time I've failed it and the third time I've spent money on the test. The first time I booked it was just as we came to the end of 2016; I'd just gone on a one hour mock test spin with my instructor (that also cost money) and,

together, we proceeded to the test centre where I was to be taken on another one hour spin with a tester/examiner/official/whatever-they-are-called. We got there 10 minutes late and were told, "Unfortunately, you are 10 minutes late, I'm sorry". Just like that. I was still waiting for my instructor to offer an explanation and maybe a plea but I hear, "Oh, ok". With a polite smile. All very polite. Just like that. My ₤62 gone. I wanted to scream, "Ah! Just like that? Abeg na, let me just experience it, abeg- even if it's just for 20 minutes, I carry God beg you...". Instead, I said nothing. My instructor awkwardly drove me back home, and even more awkwardly accepted the ₤50 I gave him for the two hours spent in total. I couldn't help thinking, as he left, that a Nigerian might have asked to be paid half of the money, especially since he, the instructor, knew these things better than myself and knew to make sure we got there earlier but, hey, I'm not blaming anyone....🙍

I quickly re-booked the test for the day after boxing day, a public holiday, thinking it was best especially as the roads, very early in the morning, were less likely to be busy. That was my first proper test and the conditions were as I had thought; perfect weather, not too busy road, friendly tester and one silly serious mistake.  I could not have wished for better circumstances to be fair and yet... I was truly gutted as I had hoped to get this sorted before my mum left and also to start the year right. Well.....

Test sheet- you are normlly given a copy.

I had a really nice, elderly man as my tester today who had lovely, soothing manners and even where I took the wrong exits than the ones he instructed me to because I overshot, he very pleasantly re-routed me. I then overshot to routes I'd never been taken on during my lessons and, at one point, my left foot on the clutch began shaking like a chicken that was having an epileptic attack 🐓🐔, my nerves were all over the place and, sure, I didn't make it. Surprisingly, I had fewer mistakes in this one than the first but I still made a serious one. The official, whilst debriefing me of the reasons he'd failed me, said that I really was a good driver and that all he saw that had happened was just the nerves and that once I could keep that under control, I'd be perfect. He left with a, "See you soon", and I had a horrible picture of myself, becoming best friends with all the testers from over- familiarity, as per "regular customer" and beginning to save any spare, loose money I got for "the driving test", as you would, money for recharge cards or some other trivial thing you purchased on a regular. God forbid.

I was a bit low, mood-wise, as I'd really, really hoped to clinch a pass this time- especially as I had had a horrible experience last Friday at the bus stop. I'd been told that I couldn't get on the bus by a really salty and rude bus driver because I had a twin buggy- something I'd been using and had used to come out to that particular bus stop. I'd felt so hurt (Friday had been very cold and my kids were tired and weepy) and whilst I challenged the driver, asking how come no one had ever said that to me, an unmistakeable smell of alcohol hit my face as he spoke. "I can smell alcohol on your breath! Clearly, your judgements right now are influenced!", I retorted before wheeling my buggy off his bus. I later went to read the stagecoach rules and saw that though buggies were allowed, any one of their drivers reserved the right to not allow a person on their bus if they felt it could/would be an inconvenience or not be in the best interest of other passengers. Well, the driver did say he didn't want the buggy to be in the way but, my buggy has never been in anyone's way.

The past series of disappointments (and it's not just the driving) would have been points where a former me would knock back one or two neat shots of vodka for comfort or a current me would wolf down a couple of pain aux raisins, croissants and any other bready chow my hands can reach but I'm daily having to remind myself that these things offer only temporary comfort that only set you up for a destructive cycle. Sure, I don't drink anymore but I do still struggle with emotional eating and will write about that in relation to fitness soon. The only comfort I can get is from God and I have decided to not let this get in the way of my happy. Somehow, I had stalled a lot of my other plans just to get this done and the more it has lingered, the more my other plans have been left to lie fallow but it ends today, this minute. I will go on ahead with other important things that need attention in my life and will no longer panic about this test- I will re-take it as many times as I need to pass it and will not let it, or any other diappointment/failure I face within this year (esp. as I go for interviews) deter me. I'd simply see them as opportunities to build my character, to grow in knowledge and to learn and try something different.

 I just wish it didn't cost so darned much! I've roughly had over 40 hours worth of paid driving and it's really not easy- I had initially thought I'd need just about 10 hours as I had written here but, alas! I pray I can get someone soon to sit in my car with me whilst I drive, that way, I can get in lots more practice and not worry about money.  As a learner, you are not allowed to drive your car alone with your provisional license except you have a person with a minimum of three years driving experience sat with you in the UK. Anyway, God dey, no shaking. 

I hope your week started out great, have a winning week ahead and please share any driving stories you have with me.

Love Always,

Judgejudyjudy...

Xxx....

P.s: I changed my previous instructor. Using this new instructor made me realise I had totally spent 10 hours on someone who had no real plans for me. Sure, he was nice but he wasn't really focused. He texted me to ask if I could fit in a class only when he had had a cancellation and would book for two hours at a stretch, the entire time gisting me about his whole life; his health, his girlfriend's and her health, his children, his singing gig, phew! I hadn't realised how much I did not know until I met this new instructor. I am now thinking of getting another instructor, just to compare. In case I have learned all I need to learn from this second guy and it's time to move on.

P.s.s: Don't worry, I won't write such long stories. I promise. Weda na novel sef.