Why Is It Difficult To Forgive The Female Half Of A Cheating Duo?


I was minding my business whilst feeding my eyes on the juicy tidbits other people were putting out on social media (I know, not exactly "minding my business" right? #sigh) when I came on a post by Katie Price yesterday. She'd posted a picture from an interview she had granted the Sun newspaper-
which was really to promote her soon-to-be published book. Katie Price is a UK glamour model who had gone by the pseudonym, Jordan, in the height of her glamour modelling days. She is now known as "Katie Price" and has gone on to be a successful businesswoman, wife, mother, author etc.

Anyway, about two years ago, Katie's current husband, Keiran, cheated on her with her best friend whilst she was pregnant and Katie, known to be a feisty one, tore them up in the media. She punished her husband enough too, ripping into him at every opportunity, giving lots of interviews about his infidelity and basically read them both to filth. But she went back to him eventually and they have now carried on as a family- although she still tends to bring up the infidelity bit every now and again. Expectedly, she cut off her former best mate, Jane Pountney and only on Sunday, her "exclusive" interview with the Sun newspaper was on the stands reliving her ordeal and literally shaming her friend. She revealed how much she hated her friend for her betrayal and wished death upon her- I understand that all these are contained in her new book, she writes a lot about her life and her experiences, which I find interesting to read sometimes.

Expectedly, a lot of her followers on social media came for her, arguing that it took two to tango and that there was no way she could go ahead to forgive her husband but keep hating her friend as it was even her husband who had vows that needed respecting but chose to break said vows- if anyone needed to be bashed through and through forever, it was HIM and not the friend!

Obviously this is the "reasonable" thing to think and know, yes? Somehow though, women tend to ALWAYS feel a deep resentment towards the female half of the cheating duo that was/is their partner and the other woman- why is this? Whilst it might read like a case of double standards when you see this play out, I feel like you cannot really understand this except you've lived through a betrayal as cutting as this. Especially if you knew the woman in question.

Though women are said to be their worst enemies, when you've begun to relate with another woman, somehow, you almost expect her to "have your back". I'm not even talking about "best friends" here, I'm talking just acquaintances. Then with a best mate, there is just a bond that exists between yourself and a best mate that you cannot equate with the bond you have with a lover. The bond you have with a lover, a lot of times, can make really heinous acts that a lover commits not look too bad and you find yourself forgiving them for their stupidity- maybe it is the fact that there is a sexual intimacy involved that tends to becloud our reasoning sometimes, I couldn't say.

With a best mate though, the bond is such a strong bond of love, camaraderie, loyalty and sisterhood that if ever the tables were to turn and unfortunate events took place, could also turn into deep hatred in the same force of love, loyalty and all the feelings prev mentioned- the betrayal is felt much more and in the absence of the beclouding emotions that is the sexual bonding present in the dynamics of the relationship between a woman and her (cheating) lover, the betrayed woman can clearly see how "evil" your female friend is and cannot believe her capable of such a betrayal. So, really, she can "see" her friend clearly but still tends to view her cheating partner through rose coloured lenses.

I'm sure a lot of woman can relate to this, I certainly can and, at some point in the past, have had to call the person in question, years down the line, to communicate my forgiveness to her- pretty silly you'll say  but that was the only way I could rid myself of the hurt and hatred I had bourne in my heart towards her for long years. It's unhealthy for Katie to hold on to this hate but I certainly know exactly how it feels- it's worse in her case 'cos it was a husband and she had been with his child at the time. Very cutting. But she needs to let go. It'll be particularly thoughtful for Jane to privately reach out to her to sincerely apologise- that should help defuse all of this hate swirling about- but women like this are hard to understand: the shame of her slutty ways may not let her apologise or she may fear the reaction she would get from Katie. Or she could just not be bothered either way and not care. If she doesn't regardless, Katie would just need to maybe do this, to clear her heart of the polluting effects of hate.

Have You Ever Been Cheated On Before With A Friend? How Did You Live Past This And Are You Still Friends With This Friend? How About With The Ex? Why Did You Choose To Be Or Not Be Friends With One Or Either Of Them?

Let's talk!
Love Always,
Judgejudyjudy...
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4 comments

  1. My husband and I were musing on this very question the other day... why is it harder to forgive a woman in a cheating scenario... it is an interesting cultural dynamic! I try to forgive everyone evenly, among the friends I have who have cheated on their partner at one time... - http://www.domesticgeekgirl.com

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  2. I have been cheated on left right and center... I actually didn't blame the woman...

    Except for one time, an ex friend of mine cheated with a boyfriend of mine... I forgave her but a few years later she did it again with another boyfriend. She and I no longer talk...

    I blamed both of them each time and ultimately forgave each of them, her twice but I wasn't going to trust her a third time... I hope she is doing well...

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  3. Hmmmm Judge Judy... Interesting post, honestly it hasn't happened to me yet as per the friend aspect but with some other random chic. I didn't do anything to him per say but I called her out on her Facebook page. It was horrible. Post like this will def be the reason why I didn't start blogging long ago 😬 Once I settle back in Lagos I'm going through your blog

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  4. No one owes me an explanation in such a case,except the one who took a vow with me! THAT ONE should have my back! I've never experienced this with a friend,and so I may feel differently.

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