What Say Ye About These Parenting Tips?

A
I was looking for pictures to accompany one of my posts online when I stumbled on a Chinese page about parenting. These pictures were some of the ones I found on it and I thought they were quite interesting. Now, to me, some of them make sense and some don't, I've lettered them alphabetically and hope you can tell me which ones you agree with.

I kinda agree with A simply because it was the environment I grew up in only, I don't agree it makes one "not stand up for themselves". I believe the act of constantly disciplining a child in front of others errodes their self esteem greatly and that's just my own opinion. My dad didn't know any other way to "discipline" except in front of all and sundry: infact, I think his belief was that the more publicly he humiliated you, the more likely it became that you would not repeat the thing for which you were being punished for. In my case, that did not really work because it only served to make me shameless: in other words, the thing dey quick make shame commot for my eye. The flip side is, my mother is a woman who gets easily shamed so when I'd be shameless, guess who shame come dey catch.....

My dad's modus operandi was to call a "meeting" for the family very early in the morning when the sleep was "sweet", say at 2:00am: he then had a list for the erring person that contained all the things you had done (both in your past and curses for your future for good measure). All the points were taken one after the other and you were verbally trashed in front of everybody. After that, probably after an hour, we were released to go back to bed. So it was a pretty "normal" thing to us and we came to expect it BUT what I think it did was not really give the elder ones any mouth to chastise younger ones when they did anything wrong because, how can you call out your younger one for, say, watching porn when your ass had been washed in front of ALL and hung out on the lines to dry for worse "sins"? Mbanu, you will not have mouth and even if you did, your talk would not be strong or effective...

The ones that only ever did embarrass me were really the ones done in front of people who weren't "family" and who would not understand that "that was the way daddy was". Those were the ones that really, REALLY hurt me, and it happened on many occasions! I'll give just one very mild instance: in my JSS1 at FGGC Owerri, my first term result had been, was it 34 out of 44? I can't remember but I remember consoling myself at the time with, "Well, at least I gapped 10 people!". I was a 9 year old and had been carried away with eating my provisions and all that (my first time of "handling" my very own tin of milk, milo and all other goodies without the measuring eye and hand of my mum). I had been so scared when my mum came to pick me up for the holidays ( it was Christmas holiday) and she'd been so disappointed when she'd seen it. I especially feared for what my dad would do....

Well, my dad saw it but didn't say anything and, after about two days of walking around in dread of a sudden outburst, I suddenly heaved a sigh of relief in the belief that the worst was over. We went on to the village for our Christmas holiday and had a good time. Then it came time to go back to school and my dad decided to take me back to school. Just after the driver had finished bringing out my luggages, I heard my dad ask him to bring a nearby bench. I was still wondering what it was for when I saw the stack of koboko, freshly rounded canes, that were being brought out out of the car booth. I looked around me at other students being dropped off at the mini-stadium by their parents, the stadium at this time had become full: I quickly knelt down and started begging my dad, "Dad, please don't... please don't do this to me....". "LIE DOWN!!! Next time you won't come back from school with that type of result!", my dad barked, dragging me to the bench to lie on my stomach and have the driver hold me still on the bench whilst he proceeded to flog me on my behind in the full view of everyone......

Phew!!! Wow! Recounting that was surely heavy, lol, I thought I'd gotten over that, haha. Anyway, I wished to die. I wished the ground would just open up and swallow me. You see, the thing is, things like that didn't really happen in FGGC. Most people were Ajebos (rich and pampered kids) and to have your father come and flog you in the full view of everyone was unthinkable! That could/would automatically be the social death of you, you didn't even need to struggle for the Ajekpako (kids from the lower class or a disadvantaged position) position, it was automatically yours. Other girls were talking about holiday camps, holidays abroad, having winnie-the-pooh rock/knapsack bags and all those cute jand and yankee stationary that automatically made you cool and my own dad was coming to flog me on my buree at the mini- stadium... Shamefaced, I took my belongings and went back to my dormitory. In the next couple of days, some seniors would call me;

ONE OF THE SENIORS:  Come! Are you not the girl that her father flogged on the buree (buttocks) at the mini-stadium?
ME: (Without flinching..... in my mind o) Me? No..... (shrugging "tufia" for added measure).
SENIOR: (Looking at me sceptically) Are you sure? (Turning to another senior) Doesn't she look like that girl....?
ME: I don't know what you are talking about; It wasn't me.

I kept denying the scenario but I knew some people, my mates especially, knew I was the one.... And that was only one of the many times I experienced such esteem bashing disgrace. Can I say it affected me? Do I have an inferiority complex? Did my self esteem suffer? Of course! Without a doubt.
You will most likely see me look confident outside but really, there is still that girl inside who still thinks she's not on the "level" of all the other girls whose parents spoiled; that feels she's still that one little black sheep who will constantly be evicerated in front of others- sure, that part still lives inspite of years of training in confidence. I won't lie to you and say, "All that is over, I'm now the most confident person ever and I own the room when I walk in!". That would be telling a bold faced lie but I'm okay with the woman I now am; I just will never be that overly confident person whose confidence can even be considered offensive. That just will not be me.

So, what do you think about these parenting tips? (they are below) Which do you agree with and why? Let's discuss....

Love Always,
Judgejudyjudy...
X

Ps: Hope you're having a great week!




B

C

D

E

F

G
H
I

J
                          
K
                                         

15 comments

  1. Nice one....I couldn't help laughing my butt off at your experience and how you denied being the "flogged one" hahaha. I think I agree with B,e,f and i. I don't agree with c-the child should rather be sensitive to others' feelings having experienced first hand the downs of having your feelings overlooked .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Of course now, denial was the only reasonable course I could have taken......xxx

      Delete
  2. Wow, so sorry you had that experience at school. Wait you went to FGGC Owerri? What set? I attended the same school though I started in SS1 ps I was 2001set

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol! Really? Hahaha! I was your set too! Hmmmmmm.....
      I'm sure we'll know ourselves :)

      Delete
    2. Lol, who knows we maybe friends on Facebook. I like the anonymousity

      Delete
    3. I'm not anonymous at all o. The instagram icon on the sidebar leads to my insta page. I just didn't link my Facebook to my blog but I'm not anonymous at all! I'm just using my nickname which everyone on my personal handles know me as anyway....:)

      Delete
  3. I was horrified to read what your father did to you, I am sorry but he was wrong... that wasn't funny at all. It can destroy a person... my ex step mother did so much to destroy my self esteem... I still have deep issues but I rose above it and became a better woman, a better mother and I forgave her as I would never want her to be a part of my future...

    love you and how strong you are... you amaze me girl xox

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Definitely he was wrong, a lot of the ways he handled things with me especially were very wrong and damaging but his heart was in the right place: he wanted me to do better, to be better. Plus, he really didn't know any different- his siblings are also extreme disciplinarians and I think it was handed down to them so......

      I'm glad you rose above the issues, I think you're amazing so you must have done a lot of work too! Thanks for the encouragement Launna, love you right back😊❤️

      Delete
  4. Mehn, ur dad was sha very brutal o, haba!who does that?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi JJJ, I've read some of your stories and, I'm really sorry to say but you grew up in a very abusive surrounding.....but I think you already know that. I personally think that you are a strong person to be at this point to be honest, a lot could have gone wrong.... A LOT. That doesn't absolve you from consequences of your own past wrong choices but I can see how being constantly put down in every way could have caused an irreparable damage. I thank God for the woman you are, a lot of great people have this same type of story in any case, their stories are not always of loving peaceful homes but really if dysfunctional homes and relationships that define the course of their lives.
    I wish you the very best. I really, really like your blog by the way. You're so real!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. abeg plenty Nigerian kids had parents like dis jor,lol.

      Delete
    2. Thanks anon but, again, his heart was in the right place but I agree with you.

      Delete
  6. Mehn, your dad didn't try at all o. My mum too practised some extremeties, but mehn, flogging publicly in boarding house, naaahhh meen.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol @ naaaahhh meen, that one pass you shey? Haha!

      Delete