To come correct (honest) or be politically correct?


This week is just creeping exhaustingly....... #sigh.
I can't wait till it's Easter holiday, I need a B-R-E-A-K! The good thing is that the hubster will be around by God's grace so I'm so (singing) Exciitttteddd!!!

Anyway, I've been pondering on something really very random.
Ok, so I have a colleague that I'm really friendly with. Now see the difference, we're very "friendly" but I can't really say we are friends. The reason this is is simply because I've found that with some of the English people I've interacted with, you can actually share funny, light, entertaining stories as a "quick chat" but you see the "let's have a tête-à-tête"? That one can go South before you can say "Jack".  Alot of times. In MY experience.
It can easily make you the person to be avoided- a very "polite" and "genteel" kind of avoidance, but avoidance all the same.

And then again, maybe not. But you just can never tell which it'll be.....

So, a friend, to me, is someone you can be yourself around and you can be honest with and they fully comprehend that you are coming from a place of concern and care. With one who you are "friendly" with, there is a lot to be taken into consideration.
So the thing is, my colleague just seems to be swelling up each week I see her. I began noticing this in January but right now, it literally feels like I'm seeing her swell up before my very eyes and I'm unable to say anything for fear of crossing the line or hurting her feelings.

She's got 3 kids already and when I met her last year, she was quite trim and we hit it off and would occasionally inquire after each other's little one(s) etc but it's been increasingly difficult to not state the very obvious, esp. when I see her polishing off different rounds of meals in the name of "lunch"- I wonder if it's okay to mention it to her or would that be too forward of me?
We don't work in the same department so I wonder if anyone in her department has mentioned it to her....

In any case, would you want someone who you're friendly with pointing that out to you- just so you could watch it before it got out of hand? So even if I did decide to mention it, how would I do that, jokingly? As a conspiratorial whisper- just between she and I? As an off, I'm-not-even-thinking-about-it comment? Or do I just keep my mouth shut and mind my business?

I just felt I'd probably want someone to tell me if it had been me.
Let me tell you something that happened with me sometime in June 2015. I'd been nursing DS and had put on A LOT of weight but I "felt" I could and would lose it "when the time came" and, despite DH's subtle complaints about how much weight I'd put on (because he felt my eating wasn't helping me at all), I carried on eating everything that caught my fancy.  I think most women can relate to being emotional eaters- the fatter I got, the more I ate because it made me feel better.
THEN I went to the African salon I normally went to have my braids done and whilst the lady was plaiting my hair, she began advising/speaking to me. " You really have put on too much weight, what happened? This was not how you were when your mother and you came here in February...... It is not fair, you know? We women sometimes think "now I'm married so I can eat and get fat", we do not think about the man who married you when you were fit, it is not fair to him that you will let yourself grow so big!....", she chastised in her Kenyan accented English. "Try, you must try, curtail what you eat and do some sit ups- look at you, you look like someone with two or three kids- you really have to try, I know you can do it...".
Chai. The thing touched my bone and I was so humbled because I knew she was right.
I promised her I'd work on it and that, by God's grace, my next visit would not have me looking so frumpy. I wasn't even upset one bit, I was rather very grateful that she cared enough to be that open with me- I was able to go from a 95kg to a 78kg (current weight) in about two-three months from that conversation. Under BMI standards, I am still overweight as my ideal weight is between 65kg-72.4 kg but I am a looooonnnnngggg way from that mama that I had been when I went to that salon in June.

So I've been wondering if it'd be considered nice to extend this same gesture, albeit, with more tact, towards this colleague of mine
 whom I am friendly with or is it just unnecessary?

Please share your thoughts with me before I shoot myself in the leg.

Until we meet here again,
Love Always,
Judgejudyjudy...
X


6 comments

  1. Personally I wouldn't say anything... basically because I lost a great deal of weight then in the past few months with all the injuries and depressed feelings I have been eating.. I am not happy about it all... I am well aware that I have gained weight, I do not feel good... I know I need to lose it... I really don't need anyone telling me. Right now I am very emotional and sad, if someone were to mention it to me, I would outright cry... I think we are all different but honestly, I do think we know when we have gained... usually ... (It's a tough line to figure out if you can cross or not, I don't go over it myself xox... good luck with your decision)

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    1. You are so right Launna, I decided I wouldn't mention it after reading my post, a lot of things could really be going on that I have no idea about, both health-wise and otherwise.
      We can start again Launna, begin with some light walking and see how far we can push it.....?

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  2. I agree with Lauanna however everyone's story is different. sometimes people appreciate the "call out" even though the already know and that can be the spark to get them back on track as in Judy's case. This is a sensitive issue but really depends on the approach...most African/Caribbean cultures are blunt and forthcoming with the "truth" other cultures may be less defensive with a little light hearted humor round about way with expressing the "truth". All the same you have good intensions.

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    1. 100% African/Caribbean cultures are definitely more blunt and we don't see it as insensitive too when we are "advised" for our own good.

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  3. I think you should tell her....you can just say it without much emotion attached. "Dearie you look like you're gaining some weight"....simple.you can explain further that you thought to let her know cause you would like someone to let you know too.

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    1. Pp, to be honest, I'll go with Launna on this and keep mum.
      I'm sure she knows and I'm not really sure she'll appreciate me pointing it out- BUT if an opportunity presents itself, say if she asks me for instance, I'll be as honest as I can be.

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