Emotional wreck.

A colleague left the business yesterday.

It is said that he's been with the business for quite a number of years and is a valued employee.

So, yesterday, a memo was sent out to all the colleagues in our branch saying that there would be a "leaving convergence" at his desk and that anyone who wanted to join in could. This just meant that fellow colleagues, CEOS, managers, all gathered around his desk and then he'd be sat in a chair in the middle and asked funny, random questions on the spot, eg,

Questionnaire: Can you guess how many wins you've had in all of your years here?

Leaving Colleague: Errr... 2 million?

Questionnaire: 5 million. Can you guess how many complaints we've had against your department? Can you guess how many of these complaints were against you personally? Have you ever taken a day off sick to go down by the pub?

Et cetera, et cetera. It was all done in banter and a spirit of camaraderie in send off. I went along to watch and whilst this was happening, the colleague leaving got emotional and kept wiping tears off of his eyes. I teared up myself. Then it was time for him to give a little speech and whilst talking, he REALLY teared up for real and, I started really tearing up too, I had to go back to my desk so as not to embarrass myself- I didn't even know the guy, I saw him, but I had never spoken to him and yet there I was crying like a fool because he was himself crying. Back at my desk, I began to wonder why it was that I just couldn't seem to control my tear ducts, they gave way for the most silly reasons and at times when I need them to bear up with me.

I cannot remember a time from my early years when I was not emotional- I cry when I'm happy, sad, inspired- anything and everything. My dad is exactly the same way and it's normally something my siblings use in making fun of us. So, we could be in church and, say, a priest was being moved to another parish and a sort of send off was being conducted, at some point in that Mass, you were wont to see my younger sister and brother craning their necks from their seat to peek at my dad and myself and, true to form, they were wont to catch us both crying in our different seating positions. Just ridiculous. It's an on-going joke in my house but DH himself had not really realised how, will I say "bad" it is or "serious" it is and it really freaked him out.

Once my younger sister had called me in hysterical laughter and when I asked why she was laughing, she said DH had called her extremely worried, asking if everything was alright and asking why I cried for the most mundane reasons. I had laughed it off but, innately, I was really annoyed, did he mean he didn't know that some people were just naturally emotional abi was he just purposely acting like a JJC? I had been really annoyed. Some men would even think it cute, yet mine was seeking a "solution to my problem", I thought in annoyance.

When I'd been pregnant for DS, for the first trimester, I just couldn't really relate to being pregnant ( apart from the very sick feelings that is), I was in a new country with no friends, acquaintances or even anyone to just say, "how are you" to you in the morning, DH and I were always fighting as we were getting to adapt to each other, I was bored at home as I had yet to find a job and then I was feeling sick all day round- I was depressed and needed a drink but knew I had 6 more months to go before I could take one so I was morose. Plus, at the 12th and 16th week, my stomach was still flat so I couldn't really get into the "expectant" mode- depressed, I went to the midwife with all this.

She was worried that I felt this way and then she said, "Let's see, let's have a little listen to the little one in there". She put the device to my stomach and I heard his heartbeat. That was the day it became REAL to me, I realised finally that, " a little life lived in me!". I cried uncontrollably and kept apologising for blubbering but the midwife asked me not to be silly and said she was happy I could finally connect to my maternal side.

DH came to pick me up after the meeting and when he asked how it went, I started to gist him and when I got to the part about hearing his heartbeat, I started crying again.

He just looked at me and said,

DH: I don't understand you o, so this listening made you happy- yet look at how you're crying.... 

Me: I'm not crying!

DH: What are you doing then?

Me: I'm.... I'm... weeping....

We both burst out into laughter.

This is the reason I've been unwilling to join a choir even though I've got a really good singing voice.

How do I stand up the stage singing with tears streaming down my face? Because I cry in the midst of worship in church- sometimes I find it best to not have make up on as it's pointless.

Please is this normal? Can it be controlled? Or am I just an emotional wreck?

Just thought I drop this- I'm off on my 30 mins trek to work,

Until we meet again here this weekend,

Thank God it's weekend!

Thank God it's Friday!

Have a great 1st of April and may this new quarter bring your dreams to a reality!

Stay blessed!

Love Always,

Judgejudyjudy...

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