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Clarity. Namaste🙏.

I spoke to my pastor's wife on Sunday. I spoke to her about the condition of my heart.
I just feel like I am no longer connecting with a lot of their preachings and teachings.
This is also really hard for me because I have come to love them as family and I know without a doubt that they preach the truth. Another reason this is hard is because I need for my children to be rooted in the Word of God via a living church and I had hoped that this assembly was going to be it....but I also feel now more than ever that the church is not for me, and by extension, my kids, anymore.

I came to this conclusion not without a lot of personal striving. I do believe that God sent me to the church for a reason, there was a purpose for which I was led there as evidenced by the fact that I am now able to see through a lot of things I had hitherto been almost blind to, especially where it came to false prophets and motives, but I also know that my time with them is up.

Sleep Training And Weaning My 10 Month Old.

Remember when I sleep trained my toddler? Well, I decided it was time to sleep train my 10 months old baby. His sleeping habits, as of three weeks ago, were amuck; 1 - 2 am would normally find him wide awake, smiling and ready to play. To be fair, I would also normally be up trying to get some work done myself but, I realised I needed to make some changes. I also meant to wean him once and for all; I had started sometime in May but gave up after about 3 days due to a few reasons, his heartbreaking weeping (it wasn't a "cry" i tell you, it was such a heartful weep, lol) and the fact that I couldn't stand the pain of my over-filled bosoms some of them. I thought the time I'd set out to sleep train him was also a good time to wean him- just so he faced the "trying" period and got over it once and for all and not have to go through the emotional experience twice.

The method I used was the cry-it-out method and what I did was basically:

1) Day 1: Breastfed him once on the day, augumenting with two bottles of milk, one of which he had in the evening. So, I made sure he had his dinner by 7, had a bath and his bottle before putting him in his cot at 8-ish. I let him cry and would go into his room to stroke his face after about 20 mins, lengthening the time at which I went in to check on him. This lasted for about an 1 hour 20 mins and just when I was about to go in and pick him up to sleep on my bed, he fell asleep. Sweet.

2) Day 2: Same feeding and bathing routine and popped him into his cot at 8-ish. No breastfeeds today though. Crying persisted for another 1hr 20-ish mins. I guessed it was because of the absence of the breastfeed but I persisted regardless. He eventually went to bed and woke up crying at about 1- 2 am (when I would normally pacify him with a breastfeed). I went into his room and offered him some water in a bottle which he took and we all went back to bed in peace.

3) Day 3: Same feeding routine. No breastfeeds. My boobies were now painfully engorged and very uneasy, gave me a headache. He was asleep after about 30-40 mins. Offered him a bottle of water at night and left that in his cot for him for whenever he wanted it.

4) Day 4: Same feeding routine. He's begun to really look out for his bottle of milk now and still tries to struggle with my blouse- which is a pain as every contact with my frontal, hugs et al, hurt like maaadddd! I was in sooooo much pain. He, however, went to bed after about 20 mins of crying.

This went on like this for about 7 days until he now knew to cry and comfort himself to sleep without needing anyone to pick him up and rock him. I also noticed that about the third day in the weaning process, I became really moody and just couldn't be my upbeat self. Add that to the stress of the pain I was in + other aspects of life that were not exactly going as I had planned and you get a fair idea of  what it was like. I went in search of how best to deal with the excruciating pain I was iunder and how long it would be until my boobs got back to their normal size and were then painless. In reading the many articles online, I realised that;

1) Mums did tend to get depressed and extremely sad, tearful and depressed when weaning their baby as it meant the end of a bond they had come to know. The medical explanation given for it is that one of the changes that occurs with weaning is a drop in prolactin and oxytocin levels. Prolactin, a hormone that is required for milk production, also brings with it a feeling of well-being, calmness and relaxation. Oxytocin, the hormone that is required for milk ejection (let-down), is sometimes referred to as the “love hormone.” It makes sense that a sudden decrease in these hormones could have an effect on a weaning mother’s emotions. The page also said that it was normally easier, for both baby and mother, for the weaning process to be drawn out and not stopped abruptly as it gave the body sometime to get used to the reduction in the level of hormones. it was generally considered a "gentler" approach. 

Whilst looking for info on how long it would take until my engorged breasts went back to their normal size and the excruciating pain subsided, some people said theirs took about 7 days and others, two weeks. I was about 5 days in at the time and almost tearing my hair out. Then one day, I decided to do some cardio and HIIT (I've been really lazy with my workout and haven't really been committed...) I wore a pair of my immovable sports bra and after the work out, I really liked how the support from the bra literally made me not conscious of the pain when working out so I decided to wear the bra the whole day. I took it off at night and found that the engorgement was a lot less. I wore it the next day (and slept with it). The next morning presented with such visibly shruken boobies. I wondered why I didn't wear them sooner rather than subject myself to all that pain....
So I came to the conclusion that wearing a fully supportive bra or a tight one that covered the entire surface of your breasts helped to shrink breast engorgement during the process of weaning. I've not researched it to know if this is a fact but I am just telling you my own experience. So, I thought I make this post for any mom, especially new moms, who might be looking for some information and step-by-steps about how to go about this. 

Hope you find this useful and informative. Also, please share your absolutely fool-proof tips for dealing with breast engorgement during your own weaning process; I've heard so much about cold cabbage leaves but, that did not work for me. Did it work for you?

Love and Light my friends,


I am seeking. I've been seeking. I've been seeking but I am not connecting.

Why? I am seeking your face Lord, I want to know You more, I want to hear from You, I want to please You, I want more, why do You not answer me? Why do You not reveal Thyself to me?
I ask for forgiveness for anything in me that puts You off, I ask for Your Mercy, I am thirsty, I want more, I am no longer satisfied, show me Thyself, show me Your power, can You not hear me? What am I doing wrong?


I really did not want to write about this because I reckoned I had processed it out of my mind but it just keeps coming back.

So sometime last month, I was looking through my phone to show Dh a funny meme I had in it. I saw that I had lots of pictures in my phone that I hadn't put in it (they had come from the Whatsapp chat group I was in) and so I proceeded to delete these pictures from my media and this opened up a video of a little girl of about three years old.

Musings, Musings, Musings......

It's at times like this I wish I were still writing anonymously. I've just got sooooooo much to say but I don't know where to start....
So I'm sat here, at 3.08am (it's 5:12 am now actually), laptop on my lap and writing with no clear direction- I just want to get my thoughts out, whatever they may be- I am hoping I will get clarity as I write....

Bleeding Brad.....

3 May 2017

Hi guys,

Happy new month of May! 
I won't bother with a narrative about why I've been away, at this point, it's just pointless. Life has been happening. It is well. Anyway, I want to be more consistent on the blog, to write more and remove my focus from Social Media for a while. Social media is absolutely great. It is such a great occurrence in this time and age and gives us access to opportunities, people, themes, ideas, etc that we might not have ordinarily had without it but, darn, it can be quite overwhelming. It just sorta takes over you if you are not mindful; I'm choosing to step back, step away and try to focus more on why I am here in the first place, which is to write. 

The Nigerian In Us....

Last week, we came home from school run to meet our smoke alarm bad. No, it wasn't blaring out noises but it continuously made one sharp beep over a 30-60 second period. I was worried that the beeps would cause me to be unable to sleep and I googled what could be wrong with it. All the pages I looked at seemed to be saying the same thing: the battery was off. I tried to check this out when the children were asleep, took out the batteries and inserted new ones in but the noise didn't stop. I left it for my husband to have a look at when he was in. Hubby got back by the weekend and checked the batteries thoroughly but still, the beeping would not stop. We were being thorough because, unlike the previous apartment we had lived in before this, when something went bad and you called maintenance, if they came through to discover that it was a trivial thing that didn't require for them to come by, you ended up paying the fee for having them come which was anything from £70 upwards.

It Takes A Village.

The other day, a sister in church sharply chided another for rashly speaking to her 3-year-old in the name of discipline. She had been very upset and she had said it abruptly, right there in front of the kids. She had later told me that her son was already a timid person and they, his parents, were doing all they could to try to ease him out of his shell: they didn't need some adult barking at him like a dog. 

When You Are Too Big For Your Britches.

I have recently begun to realise, and accept, that there are people who are just really weird and whose natural responses to situations are just totally off because it is just who they are. They were maybe raised differently.

Your Unique Touch And Your Story Are Yours.

Hi guys!

Hope your week is going well! Mine's been so so- I certainly feel like I'm pushing through the best way I can; pushing through the noise and the non-stop hyperactivity going on around me. The best time of the day for me is at night, when the kids have gone to bed and I've just rounded off cleaning the dishes. I relax with a cuppa Valerian and Chamomile tea and just soak in the tranquility. I almost

Chefjudgejudyjudy: Swede soup.

Hi guys!


I've just made a pot of swede and celery soup so I thought I quickly leave you the recipe. Swede is a root vegetable and, contrary to what people imagine once they hear "vegetable", it has a high starch content- just like alot of root veggies (all kinds of potatoes, pumpkins, carrots, turnips etc) so, again, balance is key. It is certainly better to have root vegetables than to gorge out on pastries and processed foods but you want to ensure to incorporate it into your healthy meal plan in little quantities.


Hi guys,

Hope you've had a swell week! Well, thank God it's weekend already, nothing like having a good lie-in on a Saturday morning. 

Bummed and Gutted: More Learning Woes....

I failed my practical driving test today. Again. This would be the second time I've failed it and the third time I've spent money on the test. The first time I booked it was just as we came to the end of 2016; I'd just gone on a one hour mock test spin with my instructor (that also cost money) and,

Of Moms And Adulting.

The week started on a not too upbeat note for me. This was mainly because my mum, who'd been visiting, had to leave. I've never been alone with my sons since the addition of our second and so I braced myself and mentally prepared myself for the transition.

When Freeze Tells You To Masturbate Only A Little....

So this afternoon, I strolled by Instagram to have a little look around and saw a post by daddyfreeze on my timeline of a young man who wanted to know what he thought about masturbation being a sin.