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Repeating Patterns.

Today was one of those days. Today was one of those where I needed a really tight hug and a listening ear. Where I needed someone who I could share vulnerably with and to and who would "get me" and who I could sit in silence with and not feel the need to fill up the silence with awkward and forced conversation. I'm not sure what set off the mood and colour the day had today but I didn't actually wake up with that mood. It had changed as I was about to go on our school run- I think it started after I had drunk some green tea on an empty stomach. So whilst on the school run, I began feeling queasy, a type of queasiness that wasn't really nauseous but just really uncomfortable and almost painful in my tummy. Was rushing to drop the kids and run back home to start my work from home job. I tried to show up to work but I just really began feeling unwell- I already had a cold and wouldn't stop sneezing but it was on every call and meeting I had to be on today- I just took the day off. The day then sorta grew progressively worse. I needed to run errands but I just didn't have the energy to. The crazy bit is that this was all mental. It all just was that I wasn't in a great mood. I began praying and just muttering prayers through the day for strength. I knew the fastest way to flip the situation was to turn on some worship and praise music and begin confessing to myself but I simply just couldn't- I had a ready excuse in my head- I was trying to read and answer some self awareness study on myself I was completing. And then hubby came back, kids were back home and there was just so much distracting noise...... It was only this evening that I realised that, actually, at this time last year, on the 29th, I had had an unpleasant and crushing experience that had left me quite deflated. I realised that what I was feeling today seemed to be a foreboding feeling about what my mind was thinking would occur tomorrow- it was relieving the experience it had last year...... I've heard that these patterns and the attending feelings tend to repeat themselves- I can't remember now where I read or heard that but I'm curious, is this true? I need to research that because the feeling I had today was quite alien. But thinking about it in terms of what happened last year makes sense because I had felt really crushed on that day- a lot worse than the feeling I had today but it makes sense that my mind was almost sort of prepping me for what it thought lay ahead.... Lol. I did journal alot and pray a lot (before I was able to draw the lines of connection to what seemed to be happening) as I just wasn't sure what my body and mood were saying to me and I was just in desperate need of comfort, intimacy and assurance from God. EVER HEARD OF REPEATING YOUR PATTERNS? DO YOU RECKON EVEN OUR EMOTIONS ARE REPEATED AT THE SAME TIME OF THE YEAR? Please share your thoughts with me as I'd LOVE to read from you. Until next time Lovely, Ciao. Love Always, Judy.

Living Aligned.

Hi Lovelies,

Hope you are well in yourself. Just thought I drop by to write a bit here as I have a few bits on my mind that I'm trying to clarify. I'm beginning to think that I'll just write in order to arrange and clarify my thoughts..... which was how I really used to write. I feel like I've unconsciously begun looking at my writing in a different way, as though I needed to use it to teach, to inspire, to preach and because of that, I wouldn't feel

Bound. Now What? FIGHT!


 


So, the devil managed to sneak into your life, as he expertly does, to plant strongholds that you are now struggling with. Somehow these things have grown with you- you thought nothing of them when you were in the world and lived a life of carnality- but now, now, you've given your life to Christ and all of a sudden, what you KNOW you should stop, you suddenly find you cannot stop.

You're confused. You've just prayed and yet, you are being led by the stirrings of your loins. You go back to your cleared device history and mindlessly scroll back to the website you swore an hour ago that you wouldn't visit anymore. After your shameful escapade, you feel dirty. You hate yourself. God must hate you. You cannot pray. These demons are mocking you. You hate yourself. You are bound.

Goodbye 2020. Thank you 2020. Happy New Year!!!!

                            


2020 was a bit of an unexpected year for everyone. I chuckle when I think of all the goals I had set for the year and how that, by late March, it was quite apparent that a lot of those plans had to be moved: a pivot was needed. 

This year though, I walked by faith in a way that I had never. I'm truly grateful for the spiritual growth and awareness that happened this year. God had laid a fresh hunger for spiritual growth in me from late last year and so I got into this year knowing my teacher and waiting for her to open up her teaching platform/bible school so I could be fed. And fed, I was. 

Are you in the wilderness?








Ever been in a season where things just aren't working out in your life? Where your life seems like it is capsizing- all the goals you had and plans you'd made for your future seem to be going in a totally different direction from what you had hoped it would? Ever happened to you?

Ever been in a dark place where NOTHING makes sense? You are sure these happenstances aren't ordinary anymore- it’s one thing after another..... you're drowning, you're praying, it's not making sense, there's no one to talk to- everyone you may have had the privilege to talk to is somehow absent- doing well, unreachable, busy with their lives (that is progressive and forward moving), you're alone, not making any progress, stagnant, static, depressed, ashamed to be seen, embarrassed with where you are, asking pertinent questions to God, confused, suicidal, wondering "is this all there is to my life?"- have you been in this place? 

I have. Oh, but by God, I have. It is a lonely, lonely place to be. 

Faithful in Little.

May 25/5/2020








I'm literally sat here with my blog draft open, unsure where, how and what to start writing. Phew!
Firstly, I have felt like a bit of a ball dropper. I have been getting heavy promptings in my spirit about not only picking my writing up, but being faithful and diligent to and with it.
I've absolutely lost the zeal to write about things that I would write about in the past. So, in a sense, I'm not exactly sure what I am to write about and I'm not sure why God is leading me to pick this back up, but I will obey regardless.


                                  

Hi guys,

Hope you are well. Well, yesterday (Saturday), my friend and sister, Naomi Ose, of  @thebrookchurchng (on Instagram and Facebook) had a Live streaming where we discussed about Depression, what it was and how to fight it as a Christian.
Thank you to everyone who joined the discussion yesterday. The network connection wasn’t the best and we plan to have another discussion soon but this is just to encourage anyone in that low place, HOPE in the Lord God Almighty. Don’t be ashamed of what you have to struggle through, depend on God. Turn to him. The ONLY cure for depression is the word of God and prayers. You cannot medicate something that comes from the spirit. The world can tell you it’s a “chemical imbalance in the brain” and etc but the word of God clearly tells us about the “spirit of heaviness” ( “To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.”- Isaiah‬ ‭61:3‬ ‭KJV‬‬). There is healing in your praise. The only tried and trusted ways I have found to stave off depression and fight back are:

Repent, for the kingdom of God is at hand!

Hi Guys,

Happy new year of 2020 in February and heyyyyy!
It's been AGES and I feel like I've been gone foreverrrrrr! I'm not even sure I've got any readers left but that's okay 'cause my writing has never truly been about numbers and who was reading but more about my need to express the thoughts in my heart and my mind and if anyone read it, fine. So I know my readers will be back- wherever it is ye all have absconded to (Lol!).

I know I've been gone a long time but I needed to take a break from the blog. I feel like I have had a long period of construction going on- where the Lord pretty much was working on me- and is still working on me.
But, yesss, I am back and i am back with THE WORD! I am back with THE CALL! Yess, I am back with THE GOSPEL!!! And I am here to speak to YOU if you are:

Awkward Labour And After Birth Moments

If you follow me on Instagram and follow my stories, then you know that my car broke down over the weekend. I thought it would be up on Sunday but that has not been the case and so I’ve had to take walks to a few appointments whilst I have someone look after my other kids.
Strolling down today to my six weeks check ( my new born son, apologies for having not mentioned that), I began thinking of all of the uncomfortable things that happened during labour and after birth that I don’t really hear people talk about.
I mean, can we talk about;
1) How absolutely awkward it feels to be "felt up" when your cervix and dilation is being checked?
I mean, I thought that after my first child, it wasn’t going to be a big deal to me but I have felt that way with my second and now third child.
However, I like how "professional" the nurses/midwives make it seem; "I am going to insert my finger into your vagina, you might feel a cold discomfort and if you feel uncomfortable at any point, please let me know and I’ll stop...". I literally laugh on the inside as it’s both funny and super awkward to me.
2) How awkward it can be when they want to inspect your blood letting after birth?

Let me explain. I’ve always been looked after by female nurses after my previous births. I’ve only ever had my water broken by a male Dr once and it felt terribly uncomfortable for me....
After the birth of my son some weeks ago, the Dr doing the rounds comes to me, a friendly Asian man with kind eyes and an equally kind smile. He asked how I was doing and felt my tummy, which he said was contracting beautifully. Then he asked how much blood I was letting and I’d responded that it was just enough, like a regular menstrual blood letting. And then he says, still smiling, "let me see".
I was dumbstruck for a few seconds before I and then I said, "as in, see?", and, still smiling, he said, "yes, let me see", as he used his head to signal that I should open my pant.
Ha! I thought in my mind but responded, "oh, sure!", and got up, pulled up my dress and pulled down my pant for my pad to be inspected🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️. Like it was the most normal thing to be asked in the world. I tried to keep a normal, confident look on my face, as though I totally understood that THIS was expected and normal- but, inside, I was so mortified 🤣🤣😂

3) Can we talk about sneezing and jumping or doing any spontaneous activity and the, errrr, leaks that occur?

Ahhhh! I blush!

Just for laughs and documentation.....


Kisses...Xx

My Coffee Journey. 


My Coffee Journey. It was always going to be a flat header even though the subject of interest was the energy juice. 
However, I truly have a relationship with coffee and, it’s been a journey. My relationship with coffee started in, was it secondary school? 🤔🤔I don’t think so. It was in University. I believe it was in the University. 

New Year In August.





I honestly did not think I’d go this long and not write. I have truly questioned myself and the reason I began this blog in the first place. I literally started this blog to gist you, to share my interests, my discoveries, my thoughts, to analyse issues of interest etc but I’m not sure what has happened or why I stopped along the line. 

True Passion For Some Or Love-Hate For All?

Hi guys,
Hope you're enjoying November.

This outgoing week was just a bit flat for me, didn't do much promotion for my business as I was just in a different headspace.

The Thuggery Of It All (When You Want To Be A Lady But Can't Help Being A Thug)






Did I tell you about my neighbor with the Vin Diesel head and the banging ceiling? You can read about him here.
Well, all that banging did continue non-stop. We came to take it as a normal occurrence and when you chastised my son or asked him not to do something, he would stamp his feet on the floor in rebellion to start a banging session from angry man downstairs - because he knew it was the one thing that annoyed me.

Together, Let Us Stand Up To Weinsteins.


So I meant to put up this post a while back but have been putting it off. The whole story of Harvey Weinstein, the disgraced TV exec, brought it back to my mind and this prompted this post. So sometime last week or two weeks ago, Dencia had a lil fight with Yemi Alade and whilst Dencia proceeded to drag Yemi, some people came for her in the comment section. I read a particular comment of a person calling her a whore who "slept her way to her current status" and when another person challenged the young man with facts that proved that Dencia was indeed a good business

Balancing Motherhood And Work (And Entrepreneurship)- How Do Uk Moms Do It?

Hi guys,
Hope your year's been going great?
Mine's been so so, a mixture of hits and misses but I have stayed hopeful about the misses. 
I've not particularly been excited about the fact that I have not blogged as consistently as I thought I
would but, I've really just had a lot on my plate. I'm not sure I ever mentioned it here but I've literally been looking for a good job all year long. I've come this 👌🏾 close to clinching my dream job but it either doesn't click through or the jobs I am offered (about 4 in total) don't pay nearly enough to actually cover child care costs to the level that I don't feel like I am wasting my precious time working to pay someone to care for my children.